One of the happiest days of my life was December 20 2011. The day I "gave birth" to my baby girl. Her name is Miriam Elizabeth Burress and she is the best gift God has given me. My pregnancy was a fairly normal one, but the journey to finally getting pregnant and having a baby was a long, heartbreaking and frustrating one. Getting pregnant has always been a difficult thing for me. I have/had stage 5 endometriosis. I was diagnosed at 16 by my WONDERFUL Dr., Dr. Christy-Lovell. After seeing SEVERAL other Dr.'s I was referred to her. I immediately felt comfortable with her whenever she walked in the room and started asking me questions and asking me my symptoms. It was relieving to find a Dr. that was trying to diagnose my problem instead of simply brushing it off to "heavy menstrual cycles". She told me that we should do a Laparoscopy and D&C because there was no other way to properly diagnose it as endometriosis. Surgery went well and her suspicions were correct! I researched all of the symptoms and disadvantages to the condition. The thing that upset me most was the "problems getting pregnant and ultimately could lead to infertility". I know SEVERAL women have endometriosis and have no problems getting pregnant so I held on to hope. Well 3 years later on March 1, 2008 I found out that I was pregnant. I was overjoyed and could not believe it! I had just married (my now ex-husband) on March 1st. Made a Dr. appointment that same day for a three weeks later. Those three weeks were (what I thought at the time) the longest three weeks of my life. Finally the day had arrived!! My ex-husband and I walked in, waited for my name to be called and as soon as we heard the first letters of my name come out of the nurses’ mouth we walked quickly to the back. Dr. Christy came in and knowing my condition was surprised but happy to see me. I laid back on the table as she got the ultrasound machine ready. She put the warm jelly on my stomach and began the ultrasound. I remember thinking how the heartbeat might sound and knew I was seconds away from hearing it! She pressed on my stomach until she found what looked like a little bean. "There's the baby" I shrieked loudly! She waited for a second and jiggled my stomach like she was trying to get the "baby" to move in a different position. I remember the "oh..........okay" that came out of her mouth and the tone of her voice being so melancholy. The expression on her face was one of recognition; she had seen this before. She quickly wiped my stomach off and flipped on the light. As she was leaving the room she told me to get dressed and she would be back in a minute. I looked at my (now ex) husband and we didn't say anything but could tell the other knew that her reaction wasn't one that came with good news. She walked in the room and told us there was no heartbeat and that we needed to get me into surgery to remove the fetus. BROKEN; my heart, mind, body and soul was broken and numb. I had the surgery the following Monday and HATED every second of it. Fast-forward a year or so and I had another miscarriage. The second wasn't as hard to deal with and I didn't have to have surgery for it. Fast-forward two years. January 2011 Tyeler and I (yes my 2nd and FINAL husband :) ) found out that I was pregnant. I knew that my chances of having a baby were slim so I didn't let myself get too excited. It was heartbreaking to watch him be happy and optimistic about the pregnancy. I made a Dr. appointment but they couldn't get me in for a couple of weeks. During my last miscarriage she informed me that the reason I kept losing the babies was from my body depleting itself of all progesterone whenever I became pregnant. My body kept treating each pregnancy like a foreign object that needed to be rejected. My Dr. called me in the progesterone and directed me to take it every night starting immediately. The day before my Dr's appointment I began to cramp...... Then I knew what was about to happen..... In baseball you get three strikes and you’re out... I was out. Done. Never again. I didn't want to go through all that pain anymore. My Dr. did the ultrasound only to tell me the same thing she had the previous two times. She sent me to the lab downstairs to do blood work. After 25 vials of blood and breaking the needle off in my arm, I was ready to go home and just "let nature take its course". The first of March rolled around and the blood work came in. I remember looking at the paper’s and knowing none of the things that they tested for, but knew the percentages were normal range on some things and low on some things. The bottom of the last page said that based on all of the information they had that I had a less than 3% chance of conceiving on my own. I knew that I could get pregnant but keeping the pregnancy was a different story. I finally gave up. I knew that the one thing I wanted the most wasn't going to happen so I decided to move on. It wasn't easy; actually it was one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life. My husband and I opened a Grooming salon the first of March and decided that we were going to make our new business our baby. Eventually we would adopt and have the children that we both longed for. The business was slow the first month and I put in several long hours in trying to build it up. I was EXAUSTED! I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me because of how tired and drained I was. I knew it was from working 70 hours + and my body just wasn't used to that much activity yet. I realized the middle of April that I didn't have my period in March but wasn't very concerned because I knew that my body was just trying to bounce back from the miscarriage in January. Tyeler and I were working on April 28th but it was a slow day so we decided to close the shop for an hour and get something to eat. We ate at El Chico's and my food was delicious! Tyeler had ordered some shrimp enchiladas and just as I always do (he hates it by the way) decided to take a bite. BIG MISTAKE. The second that the fork touched my mouth and I could taste the shrimp I had to book it to the bathroom. Barf! The only thing I said to him was "we need to go to Wal-Mart as soon as we are finished here". I was dreading buying another pregnancy test because I did NOT want to see those two pink lines again... I bought the test and we returned to the shop (what we call the grooming salon) so I could take it. "Two pink lines. Two pink lines." I said this several times shaking my head in disbelief. For the first time in my life I didn't want to see them and there they were. Two pink lines. I immediately called the Dr's office and they made my appointment for 3 days later. Walking in the office was deja vu. I knew the procedure; I knew what was going to be said. Tyeler and I waited for Dr. Christy to come in and tell us what we knew we were going to hear. My grandma Linda came to the appointment with us. She knew I needed her there. The nurse was asking me the same questions that they had every time and asked me to lie down so she could do an ultrasound. Lights off, Jelly on belly, ultrasound machine ready to deliver the news...... I saw the little dot just as I always had before but something was different this time.....I saw a tiny flicker on the screen followed my tiny movements. Then the nurse pressed a button on the keyboard and the most beautiful sound I had ever heard came roaring out of the speakers thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump....THE HEARTBEAT!!!!!! Dr. Christy walked in just seconds after and said "Is that a heartbeat I hear?" It was almost as if she was standing with her ear on the door the entire time. I screamed "YES! IT IS! I THINK!". I began to cry uncontrollably. Dr. Christy handed me two pictures of my tiny baby and told me to come back in two weeks. I made my appointment, still crying, and headed out of the office eager to call everyone I knew. I was nervous at every Dr. appointment after, waiting for the bad news. The baby kept growing and growing (as did my stomach) and I finally realized that my heart's desire was coming true. This long journey was not caused by something that I had done or a result of a decision that I made. I honestly believe that I had to go through all of the heartache for a reason. I know several women have problems getting pregnant or keeping the pregnancy. I remember everyone telling me that it will happen when the time is right, but whenever you’re in the middle of chaos in your own world the last thing you want to hear are words of encouragement from someone who hasn't walked down the road you’re on. I can honestly say that I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY MISSCARRIAGE because if I had not had them then I would not have my Miriam now. The biggest lesson that I learned through this is that God's timing is not our own and sometimes whenever he says "not now" it's for our best interest. I am so thankful that I have Miriam and I would go through it a million more times if she is the reward in the end. Never give up hope, God always has the final say and just understand that his plan is best.
